My Umbrella Will Save Me

Have you just spent a couple of horrors watching some movie and now it’s dark and you’re alone?
Do the shadows suddenly seem like ghouls?
Does that noise outside that’s probably a possum suddenly sound like an axe-wielding psycho man?

This afternoon I watched something creepy. It was fine because everyone was home and the daylight was coming through the windows. Then it was 6pm and everyone had to go out for Friday night plans. I don’t have any because I’m super popular and I definitely don’t leave assignments until the weekend. It became dark outside those windows very quickly (it’s Winter solstice!) and I had to do my hurried door locking and window checking.

Alone. In the dark. After a scary television session.

This can only mean one thing: I am prepared.

Prepared for zombies, murderers, ghosts. Actually, probably not ghosts since they’re not solid beings, but all I need for them is some holy water. Ever since I was a kid whenever I’d watch something scary, then that night would become a battle between my rational brain and my imagination: complete with a weapon shoved under my pillow just to be sure.

If there was actually a madmen bursting through the windows and walls with a chainsaw revving then 1) there would be no escape for me and 2) my neighbours would probably hear and call the police since I am not living in an old farmhouse 10 miles from town but in my mind, my weapons of choice are going to protect me well and truly.

pretty moon

As Shivaree says;
There’s a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand
When I’m all alone the dreaming stops
And I just can’t stand

Exactly, songstress, exactly. If I had a big dog now is about the time I’d be inviting him inside. Instead, I have cats who get their claws stuck in the wire of my security door and run away when the phone rings. Same deal.

Furry Satans, why do you make me jump at night?
Furry Knights

I do have an old hammer and a pointy umbrella. Perfect! I will definitely ward off the crazies of the night with these things! In the meantime I wait longingly for that noise that means another member of the household is  turning their key in the lock, and not the sign of someone bashing the lock with a baseball bat made of the leg bone of a past victim.

So goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it’s not here soon
I might be done
No it won’t be too soon ’til I say goodnight moon


6 thoughts on “My Umbrella Will Save Me

  1. I deluded myself into thinking that watching Freddie Kruger while the sun was out was safe, but forgot that I had to walk home afterwards. The long way by the main road, or the short cut through the reserve full of trees?
    I ended up getting the bus home because I’m Oprah rich and can pay someone to drive me home whenever I want.

  2. and sometimes there are things in the shadows,, shambling happy faced horrors, a cold dark wind stirring the wild red hair styled Don king wig, with their floppy shoes slapping the floor with each step as they drew ever closer, waiting to attack with their seltzer water and air horn LOL.

    which leads to another thought.. if you can fit so many clowns in a tiny car from Hades, how many can hide under a bed?

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