I Want to Be Beautiful, but Not Look Like You

It’s normal to hear girls say, ‘I wish I looked like… [insert hot girl’s name]’ whose looks are accomplished with a team of make-up artists, stylists, hairdressers and airbrushing. It’s an even stronger wish when the hot person is naturally hot.Dammit they’re pretty.

Now, if this was my reflection in the morning I might wake up with a pep in my step.
How you so perfect?

The strange thing about feeling as though you want to look like someone else, is that you realise that if you exchange your eyebrows for hers then a piece of you would disappear. Like a little piece of your identity. As much as you dislike aspects of your face – and oh how I understand the utter despair of feeling genetically cursed – the thing is that those aspects are what help you recognise you. Am I my mind? Am I this body? Or is it a combination of both that gives me my identity?

I have never really found supermodels attractive which baffles most people. It’s just that they’re supposed to be the pinnacle of beauty. They’re these people whose job is to simply be coat hangers who have been hyper sexed up.. and when viewing people this way, it is easy to become hyper-critical. It’s easy to not want anything less-than perfect when something ‘perfect’ is in front of you.

Man, what a pile of dog-vomit.
Man, what a pile of dog-vomit. 100% kidding.

Contrastingly, when it comes to those I know in real life (and even the characters in television shows that I love, because they love me back I swear) this being hyper-critical evaporates. I don’t notice, don’t care about or actually find attractive your lopsided facial structure, or your crooked bottom teeth, or whatever it is you don’t like about yourself. Those aspects are just parts of the thing I like looking at: you. Having a beautiful heart honestly does make your appearance more lovely to those around you.

An excellent Ted talk video by model Cameron Russell where she shows pictures of herself modelling compared to candid, everyday photos of her highlights interesting aspect on what it’s like to model. Strangely, I found I’d rather steal the features of the ‘regular’ girl over the model girl, despite them being the exact same person. It’s not that the model image is ugly, it’s not that I’m taking some kind of noble, moral high-road by saying that I prefer the natural, it’s just that it is very rare for me to see beauty I covet in an advertisement or fashion shoot. It’s too unreal. Russell talks about how models are probably some of the most insecure women out there and judging from the way I personally regard their images, it’s no wonder.

I always think that if I’m going to attain perfection, then I’m going to need to smooth out all my features in the blonde haired / blue eyed dream. Yet when I come across images of blonde women, none of them are good enough. What is wrong with my perception?! Why aren’t these girls, with looks 10x those of mine, not eligible for my dream looks? Am I an awful human being or is there just no such thing as a ‘perfect dream face’?

Eugh. Ugly as.
Ugly as.

If the blondes I saw in media were my friends then I would probably actually find them stunning. If they were my favourite television actors I would too. As nameless blonde-haired faces on my screen or in my magazine who I don’t have a connection to – nope.

And here’s the entirely crazy part: I find the features of people I like to be the most covetable, but could never actually wish for them to be mine because then that person would no longer have them. If I look like someone else, do their looks disappear? Could I do that to someone? Why am I worrying about something that is entirely impossible?!

I would love to walk around in this body. And have you hair. And the way you move. Can I be you?
I would love to walk around in this body and have your hair. Can I be you? Wait, I don’t think I’d know how to be this way… Argh I’m afraid of the perfection

What I really want isn’t someone else’s hair, it’s for my own hair to get longer and thicker. I don’t want someone else’s nose, I want my own to be cuter. I don’t want to transform into that hot girl in that picture – I want my face to transform into a prettier version of itself.

Maybe it’s time to ‘love the skin you’re in’. It’s hard if it isn’t what you deem beautiful, but since there will never be a chance for me to inhabit young Jennifer Aniston’s body, I may as well get used to my own. And you should to – because you’re the only you that exists.


10 thoughts on “I Want to Be Beautiful, but Not Look Like You

  1. Great post. Body image is something that I have struggled with for many, many years, and over the past year or so, I’ve started to accept the way I am. I’m still not completely confident, but I’ve improved. Plus, I’ve learned to love the parts of myself that I like more than hating the parts I’m less fond of.

    And, can you imagine if everyone looked the same as everyone else? That’s so not how I want the world to be. Diversity is what makes us all so lovely. 🙂

    1. It is a tough struggle, and some people simply brush it off and don’t take your battle with it seriously. Which is great that they are so confident in themselves, but for a lot of us it is an actual, daily problem that is very much in the forefront of your mind.
      I have learned to love little parts of myself, too, which is a start. I stopped smiling with my mouth open for a long time because my braces didn’t straighten my teeth, then I decided that if I want to laugh and smile then darn it I will! It’s been quite freeing.

      If we all looked the same, we’d have to locate each other by smell and sound. Which seems like it’d be really awkward. Haha. Thank you for the lovely comment 🙂

  2. I’ve never wanted to be another person or have their particular looks, either. There are things about myself that I occasionally think I would like to change (my nose could be a bit better?), but then I wonder what would happen to the rest of my face if my nose was different.

    The only thing I would really like to change right now is to go back down a couple dress sizes. However, since we’re working on getting preggers, I don’t really see that it’s going to happen in the near future.

    I’m glad you feel this way about other people’s looks. Perfection is not just the exterior. The inside has to match the outside for there to be true beauty.

    And, I think you’re pretty just the way you are! 🙂

    1. Luckily going down some dress sizes (probably post-baby, good luck!) is easier then willing your nose to look better. I need to shift my beer belly, not that I drink beer haha, but I’ll never make my cheeks less flabby. Well, I probably could with surgery but I’d rather not have surgery on all parts of my face.
      Exactly, it really does. Well thank you very much! That’s very nice to say and as Ellen says, right back at ya 😀

  3. I’ve never wanted to look like someone else. Not because I am…say, Angelina Jolie, under my blog name. Nope. Just because I am happy with being me. And like you say, feels weird to want to change bits of what makes you you.
    I did have a while of thinking ‘I wish I still had the figure/eyes/skin/hair I had when I was 25’. Then I realised I didn’t want people to think I was 25 – because that wouldn’t be me – it would negate all the things I’ve learned and done since. So though I still have occasional pangs when I notice new signs of aging, I still prefer being me-as-I-am-right-now 🙂

    1. Ah, I wouldn’t mind if my hair could become Angelina’s hair. I just want to be able to grow it past my neck 😦 Now I’m recanting my own words!
      I haven’t thought of the older thing as yet, but I like what you say. The little wrinkles under my eyes could do with some rewinding I used to think. I thought I was the only one, then I looked around at the girls who are my age and realised that the majority of them also have the same lines. So mine stopped bothering me. Hopefully they stay the same though, I don’t need them getting bigger for another 10 years! haha.

  4. Awesome post 😀 I find beauty needs a personality. As you mentioned, the pictures are never ‘good enough’, cause there’s nothing to go with them. You can have a nice coat hanger, but it’s never going to be stunning, is it?

    I’ve always found it strange how much personality/behaviour affects your perception of a person’s looks. They can go from plain to damn fine (and vice versa), and how they actually physically look is still the same.

    It’s comforting to think you can fix those flaws with a slight modification of behaviour 😀

    1. I’m glad that I’m not the only person who thinks this! I love candid shots where a bit of feeling and personality is captured – those really suck me in. Posed shots just can’t give me that feeling though.
      It is, I will have to be sure to be my kindest self to others so that they don’t mind my bad smile!

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