The natural habitat of the common house blogger has come under siege. A virus, origin unknown, has struck the mammal at a most inopportune time – Easter holiday weekend. Whether she makes it through is yet to be seen. For now, she waits by the light of her computer monitor, swaddled in a woolly dressing gown for warmth, book in hand for comfort, and a glass of orange juice at her bedside providing the necessary sustenance for virus survival.
In order to gain back some health, there are some things the blogger must do:
1. A warm shower will make her feel better. Afterwards she puts on a pair of clean pajamas rather than clothes. Adding a dressing gown helps, also. Too tired to dry her hair she simply ties it up and lets it cool down the heat in her head.
2. A mother comes by to bring her food, orange juice and pain tablets. This is a good combination for the illness – in a situation like this sugar isn’t to be worried about, the orange juice will make everything feel better. She must also consume a lot of water.
3. Keeping in with keeping up fluids, she makes a smoothie to drink. The fruit will hopefully give her the necessary vitamins to combat the virus. Later, a vegetable soup with garlic will assist in the cellular level battle.
5. A book is the perfect distraction, as is a movie. These two pleasantries keep the blogger’s mind off her pain.
6. When walking is required, a slouching lumber with foot dragging is the perfect way to get around.
7. The blogger cannot be disturbed with chores, or taxing mental stimulation, or loud noises, these things aggravate the blogger and can potentially turn them into rabid, insane fighter-monkeys who soon have to sit down and catch their ragged breath. Annoying one is almost worth the show, but we will leave this blogger for now to peace.
If you find yourself in contact with a common house blogger you can check their signs of illness by looking for the above described things. However, most common house bloggers are frequently found in their dressing gowns, hissing and coughing, with various liquids in hand so make sure you always tentatively ask if they are feeling alright from a distance, lest you catch the virus. Remember that if the blogger is groaning in distress, move their computer closer! They don’t have the energy to reach for it.
We leave her now to take a well-deserved nap. Blogging is hard work, after all. Hopefully by the time we return, she has recovered well from her bout of illness and is ready to return happily to the world. Or at least, to standing at the front door looking at the world before returning to her laptop.