For some reason, we each know people who believe that they have a say in what we do with our lives. Recently, I realised that I shouldn’t give people pushy, concrete advice unless I’ve gone through the exact same thing before and come out victorious. My advice has pretty much become ‘which do you think is best?’ or, “Maybe, have a think though.” Other people don’t follow this kind of rule, however. Other people like to believe that I should be living how they see fit, not how I see fit. And quite frankly, fuck that.
So long as I’m not on a destructive warpath of any kind, why do people think they can dictate or criticize your choices or lifestyle? Because if there are things wrong in my life, trust me completely – are you listening? – when I say that I know. I know! I know everything wrong with me, my life and my choices. I get it, and you do not have to point them out. I see them, and I cringe over them because I’m my own worst critic. You adding your opinion on top is nothing but cruelty, especially when I’m unlikely to do the same to others.
We’re too intertwined in each other’s lives, too mingled and mashed up together. We know too much about everybody else’s business, and this insight (probably fueled by social media) means that people believe that because they know what you’re doing, they can tell you if they don’t like it. Unless you’re killing someone or yourself, or scamming someone, or frauding someone, or stealing from someone, or hooking up with someone’s partner, there’s really no need for other’s to stick their beaks in. Life is already messy, added opinions gives it an unnecessary grime ring.
I’ve come to some decisions in my life that should be easy and joyous to make – I’ve finally discovered a way to get what I want for my life – but I feel too pressured and scared to make this decision because of other people’s inevitably horrible reactions. And I don’t want nor care for them and you know why? Because I’m old enough now to know that they do no matter one little bit. We make our own lives, we do not make our lives to make other’s happy by living as they want.
Also, I’m too old to fit into people’s ideal of what I should be – I’m 100% done with that, I’m ready and becoming my own ideal. I’m also too old to mess around any longer: I can’t ditch university again, I can’t mess around at work any more, I can’t fluff around in my relationship another day – I’m ready to move up and take responsibility and get shit done. If I mess up these chances now then that’s it, life’s passed me. Seriously.
That’s scary, but what’s even more scary right now is that I feel I can’t pass fully onto the course to getting what I want (and I have a list, plans and goals, really I do even I haven’t shared them with you) because other people will try to hurt me over it. I’m not a confrontational person, I’m a hider who tries not to stir pots, and generally, I hate being yelled at or told off. It messes with me.
And what’s crappy is that I should be too old to be bothered by people telling me off. It shouldn’t get to me, but I am working on it.
I hope that one day I can just break free of people, and not worry at all, and just reach my goals without having to wade through other people’s crap. As of today, I will work my butt off to get the things I want, and people can either respect that, and realise I am no longer going to live my life timidly, trying not to ruffle feathers and to make people like me and just giving up things to avoid conflict of stress or they can just quit knowing me. People need to stop thinking that their having an opinion of another person’s actions actually means something. If, after all this, you think you still have a say in what I do when it matters zilch to your life’s course, don’t be surprised if I ignore you.
[May the multiple swear words in this post not bother you, and if they do, in spirit of this post, I don’t care.]