Sorry but No, You Don’t Get a Say

For some reason, we each know people who believe that they have a say in what we do with our lives. Recently, I realised that I shouldn’t give people pushy, concrete advice unless I’ve gone through the exact same thing before and come out victorious. My advice has pretty much become ‘which do you think is best?’ or, “Maybe, have a think though.” Other people don’t follow this kind of rule, however. Other people like to believe that I should be living how they see fit, not how I see fit. And quite frankly, fuck that.

So long as I’m not on a destructive warpath of any kind, why do people think they can dictate or criticize your choices or lifestyle? Because if there are things wrong in my life, trust me completely – are you listening? – when I say that I know. I know! I know everything wrong with me, my life and my choices. I get it, and you do not have to point them out. I see them, and I cringe over them because I’m my own worst critic. You adding your opinion on top is nothing but cruelty, especially when I’m unlikely to do the same to others.

We’re too intertwined in each other’s lives, too mingled and mashed up together. We know too much about everybody else’s business, and this insight (probably fueled by social media) means that people believe that because they know what you’re doing, they can tell you if they don’t like it. Unless you’re killing someone or yourself, or scamming someone, or frauding someone, or stealing from someone, or hooking up with someone’s partner, there’s really no need for other’s to stick their beaks in. Life is already messy, added opinions gives it an unnecessary grime ring.

I’ve come to some decisions in my life that should be easy and joyous to make – I’ve finally discovered a way to get what I want for my life – but I feel too pressured and scared to make this decision because of other people’s inevitably horrible reactions. And I don’t want nor care for them and you know why? Because I’m old enough now to know that they do no matter one little bit. We make our own lives, we do not make our lives to make other’s happy by living as they want.
Also, I’m too old to fit into people’s ideal of what I should be – I’m 100% done with that, I’m ready and becoming my own ideal. I’m also too old to mess around any longer: I can’t ditch university again, I can’t mess around at work any more, I can’t fluff around in my relationship another day – I’m ready to move up and take responsibility and get shit done. If I mess up these chances now then that’s it, life’s passed me. Seriously.

That’s scary, but what’s even more scary right now is that I feel I can’t pass fully onto the course to getting what I want (and I have a list, plans and goals, really I do even I haven’t shared them with you) because other people will try to hurt me over it. I’m not a confrontational person, I’m a hider who tries not to stir pots, and generally, I hate being yelled at or told off. It messes with me.

And what’s crappy is that I should be too old to be bothered by people telling me off. It shouldn’t get to me, but I am working on it.

I hope that one day I can just break free of people, and not worry at all, and just reach my goals without having to wade through other people’s crap. As of today, I will work my butt off to get the things I want, and people can either respect that, and realise I am no longer going to live my life timidly, trying not to ruffle feathers and to make people like me and just giving up things to avoid conflict of stress or they can just quit knowing me. People need to stop thinking that their having an opinion of another person’s actions actually means something. If, after all this, you think you still have a say in what I do when it matters zilch to your life’s course, don’t be surprised if I ignore you.

[May the multiple swear words in this post not bother you, and if they do, in spirit of this post, I don’t care.]


23 thoughts on “Sorry but No, You Don’t Get a Say

  1. Here, here. Ditto. Other people’s opinions don’t matter when it comes to what I do. Sure I’ll listen and be respectful (depending on how close I am to them & our relationship), otherwise I don’t really let it bother me. Up ’til recently I was miserable b/c I needed to have everyone like my decisions. Then I realized how unhappy it was making me and I do my best to not let it get to me now. You’re wise to figure it out now while you still have lots of years ahead of you. I’m finding it to be freeing-I don’t spend unnecessary time considering everyone’s opinion when it’s mine that matters most, as it will be influencing me first and foremost. If it involves someone else then that’s a bit different but if it’s only me involved then I decide!

    1. I will always listen, and I’m not so angry that I won’t take good, relevant advice but I’m like you, miserable because I need people to like my decisions. No more of that for us.
      Thanks for commenting and I’m glad I figured this out now, instead of later when I might be even more sorry, too.

  2. Great post and very well said.

    “Iā€™m not a confrontational person, Iā€™m a hider who tries not to stir pots, and generally, I hate being yelled at or told off. It messes with me.” I’m like that, too.

  3. Honey, you are never too old to tell someone off! You’ll bust a vein or get an ulcer if you try. I’m 57, so far, and still hand out liberal servings of “mind you own effin business” every chance I get. šŸ™‚

    1. When I get quite old, say 70, or whenever I start looking old, I’m going to start dishing it out really grumpily and snarky on purpose, while waving my walking stick around (might have to wait until I hit the 80’s for that part) just to make up for all my quiet and polite taking of things in these younger years.
      Good to see someone sticking up for themselves and thank you!

  4. I relate quite well to your post here. When people look for approval from others, be it by the way they live their life, or by individual actions, there will always be somebody who is scornful, demeaning, or judgmental. Coming to terms with the fact that whatever they say really doesn’t matter in the end is something that has taken me quite a while to self-teach myself. Thing is, they have their own insecurities that they are afraid to deal with (or maybe just flat out ignore) which is why they choose to inflict their harsh opinion on others. Screw em’. If they aren’t there to share in your joy during your happiest moments, then there surely is no need for them in your life when you struggle.
    Am loving your blog!

    1. Scornful, you’re right there. And boy, do I hate scorn.
      Your comment is great, it said what I was trying to say and added the fact that people do project their securities onto others / hide theirs by pointing out yours.

      Thank you very much!

  5. I am like REALLY old and I have an accountant and yet people still ask me “what do you charge for your classes?” and then they tell me they think it is too little. I don’t want to be socially impolite but why do they imagine I would care what I think of their opinion of my charges? Telling people to get effed is such a conversation killer. : )
    I did actually say to someone last week “please don’t give me advice” Perhaps I could have a tee shirt with on it. Then I would probably get an opinion on that. Sorry to say it doesn’t seem to go away.

    1. You would think people wouldn’t be quick to point out low prices when it means they could afford them easier haha. But then, people are probably scandalized that you’re not making more money! Though of course they’d be scandalized if you were charging ‘too much’ šŸ˜‰
      Perhaps I should start telling people that I don’t need unnecessary advice, too. My Gen Y answer is generally just ‘I know…!’

      I’ll have to work on my polite listening face and independence then, prep myself for the future.

  6. Well said! Humans can be way to judgmental! Felines are a lot more relaxed and mind our own business. Lots of humans don’t think my little families lifestyle is normal. We don’t care we are happy having adventures on our boat and don’t want to conform to be normal anyway! =^.^=

  7. Sounds like me. Beautifully said lol. I will continue to say what Is in my heart that is a must. Writing it. Treating others the way I wish to be treated. I stand up for myself I may make a wrong move. I apologize its all I can do right now. Just walking forward. So many options. And plenty of time.

  8. Hear, hear!
    I guess this hit home a bit for me because, as a kid, I was always one to do as the teacher asked, and do as my parents say (not as they do). Now that I’m an adult with more freedom, I hardly know what to do with it! Oh well, I should just keep trying new things, I guess.

    All the best with your plans and goals, whatever they may be šŸ™‚

    1. Thank you šŸ™‚ and I was the same kind of kid – always very good / obedient / stuck to the rules and tried to do things that equaled praise. Now I’m just starting to realise that I can live my life without fearing other people’s reactions.

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