Strange Attractions

I’ve never made it a secret that I find men with long hair attractive. My boyfriend told me after we started dating that he’d actually cut his long hair off just a year before we’d started going out, and he refuses to grow it back. Apparently a combination of wind blowing it in his face, it being very heavy, needing to be washed everyday because it’s oily type hair and having tradies yell “Oi c**t get a haircut ya f*ggot!” every time he went out, wasn’t worth having lustrous locks.

It is a stand out feature for me though, kind of like how guys automatically look at big breasted women when they walk by – they might claim they’re more of an ‘ass man’ but those chests still grab their attention on perhaps a sexual / primal level. Which is long hair for me. I’ve yet to find a guy, since dating my boyfriend, who I find sexually attractive (believe it or not, and emphasis on the sexually attractive, I can still tell if someone is good looking or not, I haven’t gone blind) but when a man of any shape or form with long hair walks by I simply, subconsciously look up at them open mouthed and glassy eyed and have to return to the conversation I was having with “Wait…what?”

Guys with long hair are my big boobs.

I’m not sure where this attraction began, and I didn’t know any guys with long hair as a child so Freudian theories of any kind surely can’t apply to it. It could have something to do with the fact that my own hair is so disappointingly short and thin, but who knows. It’s just my cup of tea. (and it’s probably useless for me to say if anyone out there is looking to fault me about it or attempt to cause trouble, but my boyfriend – ooh said it again, I’m not Bridget Jones – has actually won the prize of being more attractive than anyone I’ve ever met / seen / stared at, but read on) In fact, I think it was pretty much the entire reason Red Hot Chili Peppers became my favourite band,

Image

I couldn’t describe his face to you, but I can tell you what I
named each of his hairs

In fact I started dating a guy once without knowing all that much about him, I just knew I really liked his thick, long hair. If you thought I was about to describe something else just then, you’ve spent too much time on the internet and in the gutter. I guess you could say I was a fickle teenager, but I really did think it was the basis for a perfect match, and if men can do it everyday, a lady can do it every once in a while. Now, when we broke up (loose term applied here, since we err, dated very briefly) but I realised after, that his hair had totally been blocking my ability to really see him for who he was and how he matched me in a couple. Which in turn got me thinking about being a sucker for hair.

You see being a sucker for long hair is bad because I’ll just be at work or something, and a guy with long hair will come in and I’ll look up and automatically think “Let me pet you” or “Have my babies” and then he gets closer and I realise he’s like, a fifty year old crackhead who couldn’t afford a haircut or no longer cares enough about hygiene any more to groom himself and should be avoided …or someone like that.

ImageIn order to find this photo, I googled “long haired bum”
without thinking. However, this man’s eyes are still
scarier than what came up under that

And I am so glad I’m in love and no longer completely blinded by it, because I once followed what I thought was a hot guy into a store only to realise it was a bat shit crazy woman in a long, black jacket in the middle of summer. Talk about fatal attraction.

And so I have learned to never trust automatic attractions, and I would be even more likely to be wary of strange attractions, i.e. “I like guys with bloodied knuckles” is something no girl should say, neither is “But I like it when guys’ gums touch when they have no teeth”. Hmm, maybe long hair isn’t the worst trait to admire in a man after all…

Do you any of you out there have something you find attractive in the opposite sex that makes you stare unashamedly before realising that you’re drooling and they’re looking back at you with a mixture of fear, disgust and pity? Feel free to comment!

In the meantime, stay away from any of the guys I described in this post.

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