I have this problem where I find the silliest ‘jobs’ appealing as careers.
Not only that, in my mind, they’ll also be financially secure and my co-workers will be upstanding professionals with perfectly sound minds.
The first non-job-job I would love to have is: Ghost Scientist.
No, I don’t know if that is a real profession, but I do know that there’d be none of those pesky nine-to-five work hours or annoying customers to contend with. It would be all about finding haunted buildings, houses, churches etc and compiling evidence as to the existence of a supernatural being. Who would pay me for this work? Well, I suppose the owners of the haunted buildings could chip in some money but I’d like to think that the government could subsidize this one. Which is kind of a fancy version of the dole except instead of sitting around spending my government payments on beer and gambling, I’d spend it on rent and fancy ghost cameras.
I also just realised that this job does exist: Paranormal Investigator. However, I have no idea if it is really real or if it is a made up profession for television and movies. Either way, I’d like to get into the business. The upside to being a paranormal investigator is that I don’t have to just stick with ghosts but I can branch out into other areas such as aliens. Perhaps one day I’ll tell you all about the time I swear I saw a UFO, but I don’t want to come across as a gullible moron… despite this post.
The next non-job job is: Oil Stain Photographer.
This is the point in time where I realise my secret ambitions are not very ambitious. In the real world where most people would know me from, I’m about being a hard worker doing all the hours I can, in a properly professional environment as well as creative fields who has dreams of her own business one day and owning her own home. (2013 insert: what? Me a professional hard worker doing all the hours I can as well as working in the creative field? I obviously had no idea that I’d be an unemployed wreck in a years time) In the imaginary world I create these kinds of careers.
The main role of the Oil Stain Photographer is that I go around car parks and roads and take pictures of the pretty rainbow residue left over from the oil in cars (I don’t know where this oil comes from specifically, but if you’ve ever been in a tar covered car park before, you’ll know what I mean.)
If you don’t you’ve possibly never been outside or your town doesn’t have these car parks, so here’s a photo:
So basically, yeah. I’d take photos of these and make a giant collection and people would think it was so wonderful that I wasn’t a useful member of society but did something for me that they’d pay me for it.
The last non-job-job I’d like to have is: Super Strong Street Vigilante.
This one is my personal favourite.
It entails me being super human in some form (super strength, speed healing, extra fast, really shiny hair) and all I do is go around fighting crime. See a bag snatcher accosting an old lady? Smack him across the head, grab the bag, return it to the woman, take the wannabe thief to jail. (This is actually something happening in my town at the moment; in the past month we’ve had two different young men attack older women for their handbags and it’s disgraceful) See a helpless lady being attacked by a burly jock or a thug behind a nightclub one evening? Bye bye use of their genitalia.
Another realisation: my dream job is Batman. Though with super powers because in the real world I only just get over 5″1 and I have arms like pieces of spaghetti. One might say I have some kind of complex about being powerless, and so would like to become powerful, but I’d probably ignore that person because screw you my dreams are awesome. I would also like the Batmobile.
Alas, they shall remain day dreams.
I’m well on my way to becoming a a perfectly normal person with perfectly normal fulfilments and careers.
But in my mind…