The Song of the Essay Deadline

Last night I finished off an essay that has taken me about 20+ hours to complete all up. That includes reading articles, reading studies, watching TED talks, referencing, writing a sloppy draft and then writing it out fully before a final edit. This was not that much fun, but it wasn’t the worst piece of homework I’ve ever had. I’m pretty sure the 3 essays I still have to write… by Monday… are the worst ones. It hit me today that I only have 3-4 days to write them, and yet, my motivation hasn’t increased.

It’s just that…

Before I do my essay, I have to go buy new make-up. I think I want to try this new foundation. Oh wow, it looks good.

Before I do my essay, I need to learn how to make beef stir-fry with the homemade sauce (it was delicious).

Before I do my essay, I need to plan a present for someone.

Before I do my essay, I need to watch the latest episode of Hannibal.

Before I do my essay, I need to go to a store to look at their doona covers that are on sale because my other one ripped. How will we live with only 1 doona cover.

Before I do my essay, I need to eat this big sized Toblerone.

Before I do my essay, I need to scroll mindlessly through social media.

Before I do my essay, I need to vacuum the floor, wow have you seen it? So messy.

Before I do my essay, I need to play this vide0-game.

Before I do this essay, I need to curl my hair with the barrel on that new curling wand that I haven’t tried yet.

Before I do this essay, I need to read this magazine article that will make me too angry to concentrate on my essay.

Before I do this essay, I need to play with the cat because he’s in a silly mood.

Before I do this essay, I need to make sure my already finished essay is perfect.

Before I do this essay, I need to text my friends ‘what are you doing?’ then sit around waiting for a reply.

Before I do this essay, I need to think seriously about entering a competition.

Before I do this essay, I need to check out my subscriptions on youtube.

Before I do this essay, I need to finish the novel I’m reading. Then start a new one.

Before I do this essay, I need to spend 40 minutes choosing a new theme for my wordpress blog.

Before I do this essay, I need to write a post on wordpress, I’ve only written 5 this month and because of this my views have plummeted and although this doesn’t really mean anything because I’m not being paid per view or anything I feel a sense of need for attention from my fellow bloggers which will give me a boost in confidence that I need to write my essay.

You should all begin placing bets on whether or not I get these done.

Quick Fix

I love short stories for their length, quirkiness, twists and subtleties. They’re short snippets of time but still complete stories, which makes me happy. Roald Dahl is fantastic at that mixture of reality and quirk with marvelous twists and turns throughout. Plus they’re funny. I never remember who else wrote the short stories I have enjoyed, but it doesn’t make them any less special, just nameless mysteries. I even enjoy the ones written by friends. Some short stories can be really powerful, like Genesis and Catastrophe, and some can change the way you think about things in just a few pages.

Today I read a short story called The Yellow Wallpaper that I enjoyed. From the start you can feel the character’s frustration, and see the dynamics in her marriage. Then a surprise comes, and then some madness. It was one of those stories that though told solely from the perspective of an unreliable narrator, you can see the characters quite clearly, which means you can feel things about them straight away, and so, attention is captured from the start. It wasn’t until I checked it on goodreads that I realised it’s a famous little tale, but I can see why it has lasted since the 1800′s!

Finding faces in wallpaper is fine, so long as the face doesn’t try to get out.

When reading a collection I always read the shortest ones first. Part laziness, but in larger part because the shorter the story is, the tighter it is. When writing short stories, I always feel like mine should be the tight, quirky moments like the ones I love but I have found that trying to write in a specific way doesn’t work, you kind of just have to write the story you imagine and then edit from there. I also apologize for saying ‘quirky’ so many times, I dislike the way it sounds, too.

Short stories always remind me of lounging on a wet, wooden balcony after a summer storm while on holiday at some nature-entrenched villa. I’ve never been on such a holiday, but I’d like to. Reading under the big trees and mountains with the sounds of birds in the background and a rich sky clearing after a steamy rain sounds a little heavenly. In reality I would read one on my lunch break at work, but this was also great because it meant that I could escape into another place while I ate instead of being aware that I was really in a dingy office in a uniform with customers waiting. Still, a short story is welcome any time.

Well, that’s my appreciation of short stories. I thought I would write a quick post before I settle down for the next week. I have 4 essays to write and hand in by next Friday, so I won’t be blogging until after then. At least, I shouldn’t  be blogging until after then, but if I feel like procrastinating you’ll see me here.
Read a short story this week! Any favourites you have?

When Will We Learn

Recently, a man who works for the government told me this: “to be honest with you, there is the theory that the government don’t want you to study. It’s just a numbers game to them and they’d just rather you work, they want to you know, keep everyone dumb.” I was in his office being helped in my search for a job, because I don’t do enough hours of uni each week to qualify as a full-time student and so am forced to try to find 40 hours of work a week. Don’t ask. A friend of mine was told something similar. A woman sent in a letter to the editor to our local newspaper claiming to have been told by the government (we have a system called Centrelink here in Australia that provides fortnightly payments to people who are students, carers, pensioners, disabled people, injured people etc) that she needed to leave her study and go back to work if she wanted money for childcare; she was a single mum to a 4 year old boy and was studying to become a nurse so that you know, in a year or two’s time she could have a better paying / more stable job and become a taxpaying member of society. But, whatever government, nurses ain’t important we all know that.

Unfortunately, the government doesn’t care too deeply about your future or your plans. I do wonder about the theory that the government wants to keep the poor poor, and the rich rich, and in order to do this they need to keep the poor people uneducated and thus, stupid. Today it was announced that more money will be cut from university education. Hmm.

That’s right kids, the book says your dreams of being surgeons and vets on your families economic backgrounds are stupid, and so will you be.

Let’s have a think about university and TAFE: these are the pathways people take to become many important things. Nurses, doctors, mechanics, hairdressers, horticulturists, psychologists, counselors, lawyers, businessmen, and er, that’s all I can think of. Oh! And people like me – editing and publishing, which is totally important to the function of society…. right? Ha ha. Even now in Australia a lot of the advertisements for jobs as waiters and waitresses (the fallback of all young people that previously never required anything but personal hygiene and arms) now often require RSA’s (not so bad, days study) but also certificates in hospitality and retail (wait, I have to study for 6 months for one of those…) Basically, everything is becoming certified while at the same time, gaining a certificate / diploma / degree is getting more expensive. In 2010, the diploma version of my degree cost $200, last year it cost $2000 (rounded figures) Huge jump in price!

People need education if they want to be part of a functioning, safe, bright, creative, workable society. Unfortunately, society is run by a lot of people who are solely interested in their own position of power and not the struggling masses. They’re ‘masses’ after all, not ‘real’ individuals.

Congratulations! You now owe the government the rest of your lives in student loans. Happy debt to you!

They say that this is ‘for the future’, but what kind of future does a country have if the people are taxed more and more, and educated less and less? We’ll all be dumb peasants slaving away to keep the powerful in power and struggling to eat and maintain our shelters. I er, just read 1984 so am feeling extra passionate, you see, and though that was a work of fiction, the lessons in it apply to all society I think. There comes a time when you realise things will only get worse, never better, no matter what the governments and media tell you. You may as well buckle down and live a simple life of struggle. They say they want us to build up the work force – what work force? What jobs? We can’t all work jobs that don’t require qualifications, there aren’t enough, and think about it – we could be robbing someone of a poorer background who happens to be incredibly intelligent the chance to get to university and cure cancer / invent conservation techniques that ensure our survival. 

Not only the problems with education, but now we will probably have Tony Abbot as PM and well, I don’t fancy a guy who would like to ban abortion, is anti-gay and wants to cut the funding to government supported sports and arts. Julia is doing more for his campaign than he is! I don’t have political preferences really, so don’t worry if I’ve said something you disagree with because I’m not tied to one party forever. Maybe when we’re super cold and poor we will revolt. Maybe one day Australia will have a leader that is intelligent, compassionate, bright, creative and brave. If you fit that description and live here, study politics (if you can afford to) and become one of the leaders of this society. We could be great, but it feels like we’re going backwards right now. Education is the basis of moving forward, so we will never move on if it continues to have it’s funding cut.

Side note: jobs that do not require degrees are also important, and I hold no ill-feeling towards anyone who does not need a qualification to work or be happy. I acknowledge that you don’t need a Ph.D to be happy. Both aspects of working life are important and needed.

Thin is Not a Sin

There’s this myth that it’s okay to pick on the weight of a skinny girl but not a chubby girl. I’m certain just saying ‘chubby girl’ could be construed as bullying. In truth, picking on either weight is just the same bullying, only difference is one you call ‘anno’ and the other you call ‘fatty’.

Up until I was 19 I didn’t really have any fat on my body. I was size 6 on my bottom half and smaller than that in my shoulders. This petiteness had a strange affect on some people. Some would get angry about it, some would ask me questions, or make comments, or scoff. Some people weren’t able to get over it. Every meal eaten in the company of others was met with “is that all you’re having? ha, knew you wouldn’t finish it…” coupled with dirty looks or laughing amongst themselves. I had eaten my full, though, so I started forcing myself to swallow down more and more mouthfuls (to the point where I’d have to unbutton my pants) just so they wouldn’t watch me take every bite and comment on every morsel left on the plate.

Supermodels – too thin? Depends entirely on whether they are dying to be that size. Sometimes a supermodel is so thin that it can be painful to look at. This level of thinness cannot be achieved by everyone. Bad message for young girls? Possibly. These are people in the limelight! But you don’t know whether they are healthy, I have known girls supermodel skinny who ate and exercised like the rest of us.

Some people didn’t like me because of my weight, which happens to bigger girls too. People who I’d only met briefly would say, “She looks like a skinny, blonde bitch. She’s not nice. Don’t be her friend.” I was unaware of such comments at first, and would be saying how that person seemed like a nice girl, or pretty cool, completely unaware that the size of me had offended them to the point of hatred. But I ate food. Every day in fact, multiple times a day, like a normal person. My metabolism was just very quick and I didn’t have a huge appetite due to eating small meals frequently, so I didn’t put on weight easily. (Now my metabolism has slowed down with age and a decline in activity) This was not an acceptable excuse for non-skinny people unfortunately, who would demand to know the real reason. Defending your eating habits is tiresome when nobody wants to listen to you, I once had to compare fist sizes with someone and say, “that’s how big our stomachs are, see how small my fist is? Yeah, that’s why.” I don’t know if fist size is actually equal to stomach size, but it worked pretty well as a visual aid. Often I just wanted to yell “WOULD YOU FEEL BETTER IF I STUFFED AN ENTIRE TURKEY DOWN MY THROAT?”

- speaking of eating a lot of food, have you seen speed eaters? Those guys can eat a whole tray of hotdogs and most aren’t even large!

That’s the thing: it would make them feel better, not me. They would be satisfied by me shoving a whole roasted bird down my throat if it meant I was now ‘eating a normal amount’. Technically, a whole turkey would probably burst my intestines, but what a delicious way to go. I put the skinny shaming down to some jealously. “Why do you get to not put on weight and not me?”  I was always annoyed because everybody seemed oblivious to the curvy parts of me that I liked. My hips have always been 20 inches bigger than my waist, and are quite womanly. My chest (aka boobies) were always a full size. I wanted to yell ‘but look at my curvy bits! look at ‘em! I am ‘normal’! I’m just small and curvy I swear it’s possible!’ Nothing is wrong with not having a bigger chest, I just really liked mine! People see what they want to see, though.

I was 10 sizes bigger only 3 moments ago!

I have noticed a trend on a site I use where if a larger girl posts a photo of herself (specifically in a bikini / underwear) then others exclaim how much of an inspiration she is, how brave she is, how wonderful and beautiful! When a girl of a small size does this she is instantly labelled a ‘slut’. Yet the two pictures are the same: girls in underwear. Does having more weight on your frame make you a better person? If so, in what way? What if the larger girl is so large that amount of weight looks uncomfortable and bad for your health? I am 10 kilos heavier now than I was 2 years ago and it’s already uncomfortable and yuck. Extreme thinness can also make you weak and ill. Let’s all stop the competition between big and small and decide to just aim for good health for ourselves? Good health comes in a few shapes and sizes.Picking on someone else’s body type might help distract you from the parts of yours you’re unhappy with, but it won’t fix them. Having a good whinge is what people do, but keeping a check on your comments on other’s weight will make you feel better than the whinge.

The ’90s-ish feel of this picture makes me happy.

You’re only ‘too skinny’ if you’re starving and hurting to be that way.

If you happen to know someone who is skinny, check yourself before saying, “damn you’re thin!” etc  because they know, and they don’t have to feel bad about it. Not everybody who is a size 6 / 8 (Australian sizes) suffers from an eating disorder. Some of them are naturally thin, and you don’t have to interrogate them about it. There are signs of an eating disorder that you can research and quietly check against your thin friend if you’ve noticed odd behaviours and are concerned, but if you ask them about it and they deny it you may have to accept that they are telling the truth and to watch them quietly until they confide in you. Not everyone is bigger sized, that’s just a simple fact.

Related:
When will people learn
Skinny Girl Problems

Goodnight, Sweet Prince

A terrible day has dawned.

You may recall the excitement and love I held for a certain plant. A certain basil plant.

Well, I have the unfortunate task of bringing you the awful news that Sir Basilisk has died – or rather, is currently in the process of dying because I refuse to the (perhaps kind) thing of shortening the process. More unfortunate is the fact that it is looking grimly upon the face of death.

I don’t know exactly what is taking it’s life (fungus or cold weather?). But I know it starting showing black spots on its leaves and then wilted extraordinarily. The cause of black spots on basil leaves all comes down to a drop in temperature or frost. Sadly, the weather in my town has been dropping to 1 degree celsius, so it’s no wonder it has not faired well even though I keep it out of the wind.

We have cut it’s blackened leaves, watered it well and have been putting it into the sun as much as possible but something tells me this winter will simply be too cold for it to be salvaged now.

My poor little lamb. I thought I had been cured of not being able to garden, but blast it if I haven’t been thwarted by nature itself.

All the damaged ones on the ground. A basil lover will find this picture and accuse me of basil murder.

Half the man he once was.

Wish ol’ basil a bit of luck, or else that his death may be swift and gentle.
Thank you plant for brightening my bruschetta, pesto and spaghetti.

On black spots on basil: http://www.gardeningchannel.com/black-spots-on-basil-leaves/

How I Get Through a Migraine

If you’re someone who suffers from migraines, then you may want to read this post in case one of my tips happens to work for you too – and likewise, feel free to leave your own tips in case they work for me!

Basically.

I really do believe that migraines are part of your genetics in a family sense. There are more women in my family affected by these things than just me, and this suggest a family link. However, it could just be a big coincidence. I first had a migraine when I was 11. I felt awful and had no idea what was going on – migraine is different feeling from a regular headache. A trip to the doctor confirmed what it was and that it was probably triggered by lights and he gave me a needle, I spewed on his carpet and felt instantly better.

Unfortunately I can’t afford tp and don’t always have time to visit the doctor for every migraine to get a needle to clear it up and the cure relies on me fixing it. Identifying triggers is a good way to keep a handle on them and I don’t get as many as I used to after discovering them all and avoiding those things as best as I can.
Triggers for me include: 

• Lights. Not specifically bright ones, but more how the light catches my eye or bounces off surfaces. The neutral, muted colours and muted lights of big buildings like universities and hospitals can give me one for instance, as well as some projectors. Hard to totally avoid as you don’t know what building will have them before you go in.
• Hormonal changes that occur naturally in your body. Impossible to avoid forever. 
• Straight sugar. Long gone are the days when I can lick whizz fizz. Rich cake is also a no.
• Stress.
• Spasms in the eye that happen when tired. Uncontrollable.
• Very loud noises. Outside of one’s control.
• Any food with orange food colouring (I discovered it was the colouring and not flavouring by being able to eat orange tic tacs migraine free!)
• Tension in neck and back
• Tooth aches / pressure on teeth caused by a dodgy orthodontist. What a bi-atch.

So! To cope when I get one…

+ Because I don’t ingest caffeine on a day to day basis, drinking Coke helps. Luckily, I stopped drinking soft drink everyday a couple of months ago so I don’t get as many sugar ones. Only drink 1 cup though, you only need a little caffeine / sugar hit.
+ Water after the cup of Coke, and a few sips of a sports drink. For all those sports I do when I have a migraine of course.
+ Actually, sometimes depending on the type of migraine, doing something light active helps. A bit of cleaning or walking.
+ Sleep. Sleep actually doesn’t work for every kind.
+ Eat spaghetti. Yep! Carb it up. I don’t know why but a few pasta noodles with a bit of tomato helps. Or something a bit salty.
+ Ice pack on the forehead, top of the head or back of the neck.
+ A foot rub or / and a face massage.
+ Don’t let hair fall on your face but don’t tie it back tightly.
+ Watching television from a distance. This might sound nuts but actually, so long as it’s not a show with flashing lights, this provides a distraction from the pain and doesn’t require much work for the eyes. Do not read or look at the computer, though.
+ Light. Some people say pitch black is what they need but this strains my eyes unless I am sleeping. Sitting in the dark does not work – I need ample light to see so I don’t have to strain.
+ Dissolve-able aspirin.
+ Silence. Like some people need pitch blackness, I need silence. I unplug everything and just pray nobody yells. (The television at an okay volume is okay for some migraine forms ^ because there are different levels and kinds)
+ Lastly, if I can manage it, vomiting. Go ahead! Throw up! It will help! Unless you’re me and have a body that takes 3 hours to vomit. Seriously, a stomach flu for me goes on for so much longer than other people because my body insists on being at that pre-vomit state (you know just before you do it) for 2 – 5 hours. Not kidding. I hope the talk of vomit has not disgusted you.

The worst thing about migraines, though? People telling you how you should be avoiding them as if you’re giving one to yourself on purpose. I had somebody tell me once, “it’s a pretty good excuse because you can’t prove it.” she was someone who had taken it upon herself to be personally offended by my illness (illness is correct to describe this?) and to tell me how I should be dealing with them…. despite not suffering them. It’s times like this I wish I was the type of person who tells nosy people to ‘fuck off’. You can prove a migraine simply by looking at the person’s white face, unfocused eyes, wobbly balance, squinting, vomiting, falling down etc. and generally looking they want to die. You know. Anyway, thank you people who don’t suffer from migraines for trying to help but sometimes, you’re not helping at all – you’re just acting like we’re doing the wrong things on purpose and aren’t trying to fix them. I avoid all my triggers as best I can and no longer suffer migraines every 2 days like I used to, and I do it without medication, a feat I’d say.

May a migraine cure be found soon. Identify triggers, avoid them and get through them as best you can and if you live somewhere with good healthcare visit a free hospital for one of those needles or drips to stop bad ones in their tracks! Good luck, fellow sufferers!

Retail Therapy Post

On my way to hand in some CV’s to potential employers and buy some eggs (these things do not go together, unless I was applying to be one of those people who wear chicken suits and hand out fried chicken coupons), I was distracted by the allure of some of my favourite stores. I bought my mother a Mother’s Day present, then found myself buying two items for myself. My logic for spending money on retail is that I’ll definitely get one of the advertised positions I applied for – totally. Because there’s nothing more safe then assuming the future will work out fine!

I like the feeling you get after you buy something that you really like and will actually wear / use. It’s like welcoming a little material item into your material family.

The Ring.
minus the horror.

This wonderful cardigan. It’s greyish-blue with sparkles.
I hit a button that edits the photo to make my face no longer really look like me, so if you think this is pretty I’m sorry to disappoint
And now we all laugh at the idea of someone finding me pretty. Well, you guys laugh, I chuckle then turn away to wipe a tear.

I have a magpie like quality when it comes to some items. As I’ve written before, I’m not a big shopper, but every now and then I come across items that I just feel connected to - even though they are inanimate objects. Whoever said possessions can’t make you happy hasn’t seen me with the cup I bought a few weeks ago. That fella spoke to my very heart! Sometimes I just see something that I need. ‘Need’ in an abstract way, and these aren’t things marketed to me and I don’t do it often, they’re just things that catch my eye for whatever reason. I was once taken on a pre-Christmas shopping trip by my father under the instructions that I could have pretty much everything I chose. When I got back from this trip, my step-sister asked what I had gotten with a strange twinkle in her eye, kind of an expecting-heaps-of-bags twinkle, but all I had found that I wanted was a book, and a cheap glass ornament in the shape of a Christmas penguin. This kind of cancelled out on our next outing when I picked a stack of CD’s and some clothes… I can be two kinds of people in one.

The Cup That Stole My Heart.
We’re engaged.

It was recently my birthday, and though I didn’t expect any gifts, friends surprised me with a few things. My “the only present you need to bring is your presence” joke was wasted, gosh. No but there’s one thing I wanted to share, lastly. It’s an eyeliner make up made by an English company called Lush that doesn’t test things on animals. Not testing on animals is always a giant plus! A friend gave me an incredible electric blue eyeliner.

Pretty, new things.